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Tuesday, February 20, 2024

How to make friends as an adult? Try these 3 expert tips.

If you’ve ever complained about the difficulties of making friends as an adult, you’ve likely heard some less-than-helpful advice like “try joining a club” or “meet people at the gym!”

Comedian and author Lane Moore has been there — and as anyone else who’s tried to navigate friendships in the adult world knows, it’s often more complicated than that.

In her latest book “You Will Find Your People: How To Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult” (out April 25), Moore shares the ups and downs of navigating through the challenging journey that is friendship and offers her tips for making those connections along the way.

“I know what it’s like to worry that you’re never gonna find your people … I’ve felt that so many times, and I wanted to write this book to give people that hope that it’s still possible, because, even though it’s easy to doubt it when things get hard, I truly believe it is,” she tells CBS News.

To help you find or foster adult friendships in your life, here are a few things Moore suggests keeping in mind:

Try out some updated strategies

As Moore mentions in her book, the over-offered club and gym advice isn’t appealing to everyone — herself included. So instead, she advises some different ways to take a first step toward friendship, including messaging someone you interact with online or going to shows or restaurants alone.

“Asking a stranger that you’re really connecting with in a cafe or the store if they’d like to hang out sometime seems so scary, I know!” Moore says. “But really you don’t have anything to lose by asking and you have everything to gain if it actually works out and they were hoping you would ask them too.”

Remember you’re not starting from zero

Making friends as an adult can feel overwhelming. Even Moore admits the journey can feel “so frustrating” because it feels like you’re starting from square one — but a perspective shift can help.

“What’s helped me is realizing that I’m never really starting over from scratch. Every single friendship I’ve had has given me more information that has made me so much better prepared for the next friendship,” she explains.

Plus, you can also build up existing connections, as she shares in her book. For example, reaching out to a mutual friend you get along with or setting up an out-of-the-office hang with a work buddy.

Don’t discount your long-distance friends

In your quest to make friends, don’t forget about the ones you have — even if they’re not physically close.

“I have always had a lot of long-distance friends and it’s so important to me that we normalize that because those friendships are so special even if they’re not as close by as you would like,” Moore says.

If staying in touch with your long-distance friends starts to feel like a never-ending catch-up on each other’s lives, Moore suggests skipping the list of updates.

“Over the years I realized that you don’t have to catch each other up on everything when you talk to each other because sometimes the best conversations are one where you’re just having fun and being silly with each other and you don’t need to give each other the rundown,” she shares.

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